Loss of libido, loss of desire and a lack of intimacy are very personal issues. They are personal, but not uncommon. In fact, millions of men and women are suffering with these issues at this very moment. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that you have been effected, I certainly have.
Sick and Tired
My wife and I had been married for about 6 years at the time. She is in private wealth management for a top tier bank and I am a serial entrepreneur. Our daughters were 3 years and 1 year old. We both were working too hard, sleeping too little and not taking care of our physical or mental health. We were both exhausted and depleted. I was gaining weight and felt brain dead every night after dinner. She couldn’t sleep, was increasingly depressed and was losing weight.
Suddenly we found ourselves living more like roommates than marriage partners. Romance, Intimacy and Sex had jumped on the fastest train out of our house and we were left living a cold and barren existence. Harsh is the only way to describe it. We argued constantly and rarely had physical contact.
It all came to a head when I came down with my fourth cold of the year. In fact, there had been someone sick in the house continuously for several months. We literally were at a breaking point. Our stress levels were through the roof and, needless to say, we were taking it out on each other.
One night over dinner my wife broke down. Through her tears she confirmed what I had suspected, she wasn't happy and was starting to feel trapped. The strange thing is, I couldn’t even comfort her. It was like I was devoid of emotion, even cold inside. However, as I sat, watching her sob, I knew something had to be done and quick. It was obvious that I was losing the woman that I had been so in love with just a few years before.
The next day I called my wife at work. Looking back, I can’t believe that I did this over the phone. I told her I was committed to making our marriage work and would do whatever it took. She too was committed and together we scraped together a plan.
Several days later we found ourselves spilling our guts to a marriage counselor. Even in that office we fought. It was obvious to me that her inability to dry the dishes at night was the root of all of our problems. She countered that I never listened to a word she said. It was a real prize fight.
Luckily, our councilor didn’t take sides but just listened. Minutes before the hour was up he gave us several suggestions that ended up making a world of difference.
The first suggestion was that we each, privately, make three lists. List one would be nice things my wife did for me. List two would be nice thing I did for my wife. List three would be times I screwed up. My wife was to make the same lists but to track times when she screwed up. We weren’t to share the lists, but only to reflect on them.
It is funny how an exercise like this works on the mind. At first, my list of things I did nice for my wife flowed easily. Within a few days though, my list of things she did nice for me started to catch up. As that list lengthened, my screw up list started to grow. Pretty soon, my screw up list was in the lead. As I was able to reflect on all of the ways I was screwing up our relationship, being ungrateful, being petty, holding back my emotions, not listening, not offering praise and encouragement, I started to realize that I could do better. And I promised myself that I would do better.
The second suggestion our counselor had was that we start a gratefulness practice. He suggested that we get a note pad. Every night at dinner we were to go around the table asking each family member for three things for which we were grateful. It wasn’t easy at first. We had gotten so used to being ungrateful and unhappy that digging deeply and opening up was a challenge. It was our three year old that “got it” instantly. She was grateful for mommy and daddy, our beautiful home and her little sister. Within in a few days we had all opened up. I was so proud and honored when my wife expressed gratitude for me or something I had done. She would light up when I acknowledged her with gratitude.
You see it’s not the happiest people that are the most grateful. It is the most grateful people who are the happiest. It’s been years and we still practice gratitude to this day. One of my favorite things to do on a rainy day is to look back through those notebooks. All of my favorite memories are there.
The final suggestion we got the day of the “prize fight” was to make an appointment with a sexual medicine doctor. It was clear to our counselor that we were unhealthy and may have even had some hormone imbalances. Boy was he right. I made an appointment with a Urologist who specialized in Sexual Medicine. My wife scheduled an appointment with an OB/GYN in the same practice.
After a quick blood test it was determined that I was Borderline Androgen Deficient. This is actually very common in high stress, high producing entrepreneur types. My wife also had hormone imbalances from years on birth control pills. Since we were in our early to mid forties, my doctor suggested that we were both too young to start hormone replacement therapy. Instead he offered the chance to enter a clinical trial of a sexual health supplement. We both enrolled and within weeks we began to notice some significant changes. I became less anxious and less angry. She started to sleep better. She literally blossomed as she emerged from her depression.
Within weeks we found ourselves enjoying each other again. It was like a cloud was lifted. We hugged more often, we began to enjoy playing kissy face and soon we regained our intimacy. Our relationship and our love life had made a dramatic turn for the better.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I am now one of the owners of that supplement and the president of the parent company Abbey Research LTD. The supplement is Stronvivo and the results of our clinical trial can be found on our website www.stronvivo.com. It turns out that my wife and I’s experience was not unique. In fact, the results were so positive that they were published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and the Sexual Medicine Review, both blue chip peer-reviewed medical journals. The study indicated that Stronvivo is a great first line treatment for both women and men who are suffering from sexual disfunction including low libido, loss of desire, erectile disfunction, pain during intercourse and a variety of other symptoms which lead to reduced intimacy, Since that trial thousands have experience what my wife and I still experience to this day.
If your love life is not what you had hoped, try these 4 suggestions for your self. Make your three lists, start a gratitude practice, visit with your doctor and give Stronvivo a try. You’ll be amazed at the results.
If you’ve enjoyed this article and would like to continue the journey, read “How To Have the Romance of Your Dreams” or download our free e-book entitled “Sex. Love. Happiness.”